Writing and freelancing are careers that require an enormous amount of resilience. But what I’ve found, through my interactions with writers and other creatives, is that we are some of the least emotionally resilient people out there. Many of us are sensitive and emotional — it comes with the gift of creativity.

We feel life on a deeper level, and we are moved to express ourselves because of this. We should accept our sensitive natures as something that makes us unique, but when it gets in the way of a successful writing career, we need to take notice.

As professional writers, it’s vitally important  we don’t crumble at the occurrence, or even just the thought of rejection. Our livelihoods depend on our ability to press on through adversity.

But how do we change our fundamental nature? While it’s unlikely  we’ll be able to change our inherent personality traits, we can learn to recognize them when they get in the way — and in some cases, even use them to our advantage.

Here are three steps to cultivating stronger emotional resilience.

1. Realize when you’re “hooked”

I’ll admit it: I have a stereotypical writer’s brain. Dreamy, anxious, slightly obsessive.

I recently received some constructive, but slightly discouraging feedback on a piece I wrote. It was one of those times I thought I’d done really well, but actually missed the mark. I was disappointed in myself, and that’s normal — but my brain took it to the next level.

It happens to me all the time — I hear a less than positive comment about my work, and I mark it as the inevitable end of my career — the final proof needed to affirm my belief I am not good enough to do this writing thing.

The initial, small negative thought usually snowballs into a huge one: Bad writing. Bad writer. Bad person. (Okay, I admit I may be more than slightly obsessive.)

At this point, I was what author and psychologist Susan David, PhD, would call, “hooked.”

In her book, Emotional Agility, David explains that we are often unaware of when we become “hooked” by a negative thought loop. Like a broken record, the same old story plays over and over:

I’m such a failure. I never do anything right.

My life is a mess. I always have bad luck.

These types of thoughts can become so habitual we hardly notice them — they’ve become part of our mental environment. But these thoughts all have common themes, and you can learn to recognize them when you make the effort.

For example, thinking in absolutes — using word like “always,” “never,” and “forever.”

If you recognize yourself using one of these words, it’s time to do what Susan David calls, “stepping out.”

Reframe each phrase:

Change “I’m a failure” to “I’m having the thought that I’m a failure.”

This creates a space in between the thought, and our emotional reaction.

“I’m a failure,” is stated like fact — one we’re liable to start believing if we think it enough.

“I’m having the thought that I am a failure,” reveals the true nature of this phrase as nothing more than a thought — and one that isn’t necessarily true.

2. Ask, “Are these thoughts serving me?”

There is always one point during my negative ruminations that a small but firm, rational voice says, “Enough already.”

In my brooding about the criticism, I did have a moment of clarity. I thought,

Is obsessing over this helping me get where I want to be?

I thought about what I truly wanted — a healthy career in writing, doing what I love.

Obsessing over this negative feedback and believing all of my discouraging, insecure thoughts was actually causing me to back pedal. While my brain was hijacked by negativity, my creativity was blocked. I wasn’t able to write or be productive.

Not because of the criticism about my writing, because of the thoughts I was having about the criticism.

If your thoughts aren’t serving you, allow yourself to let them go. This is easier said than done, of course, but with practice, letting go of useless negative thoughts can keep you from sliding into fear-based habits like avoidance and procrastination.

3. Focus on your values, and forget everything else

Failing to accomplish a specific goal can be incredibly disappointing. But what if you forgot about your goals for a minute and focused on your values?

Values are more than just a moral code. They are what you want your life to be about, some examples being compassion, loyalty or balance. The difference between a goal and a value is that goals can be objectively attained or accomplished. Values cannot.

Steven C. Hayes, Ph.D, professor of psychology and author of the book, Get Out of Your Mind, and Into Your Life, explains it this way:

“Values are never possessed as objects, because they are qualities of unfolding actions, not of particular things.”

Here are three of my core values: Honesty, authenticity, creativity.

Looking back at my recent meltdown, it’s true that I did not meet my goal of getting my writing approved of by an editor. But in taking the time, energy and intention to write, was I not living out my core value of creativity? By taking the risk of exposing my personal art to the world, wasn’t I staying true to my values of honesty and authenticity?

The time and effort I used to write that piece, with all its imperfections, wasn’t wasted. It was used in the service of my deepest values.

Framing it this way, how could I possible feel like a failure?

The bottom line: When you learn to view your thoughts as just thoughts, and focus on what matters most in your life, you can be free from the negative thought patterns that don’t serve you, and handle criticism with grace.

After all, criticism means you’ve used your words to create something, and isn’t that what the craft of writing is all about?

How do you “unhook” from negative thoughts? Share your ideas in the comments!

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A minute ago they flowed so smoothly, but now they seem ugly and awkward.

Highlight, delete. Highlight, delete.

I wondered why the blank page had become such a familiar sight — why writer’s block always followed close on the heels of each new inspiration.

I was swimming in unfinished drafts, and a few finished ones that just weren’t good enough to ship. In fact, my writing was rarely good enough to leave the safety of a Word document.

It’s that cursed, chronic writer’s block! Holding me back from creating the work I constantly daydreamed about, the work that was refined, brilliant. The work that was….perfect.

It’s not just for neat freaks

The word perfectionist easily conjures images of someone using Q-tips to dust tiny nooks and crannies, meticulously lining up their pencils in a perfectly straight row or feverishly hammering away at a piano concerto until their fingers are bleeding.

This is why it never occurred to me that I might be one — I’m the stereotypical messy, absent-minded, slightly neurotic creative — and I know and accept that I’m far from perfect.

But perfectionism is common among creative minds, and it is possible for artists to be perfectionists about just one thing — their art.

After a careful examination of the habits and thought patterns surrounding my craft, I realized I wasn’t just suffering from chronic writer’s block…Perfectionism was causing me to have writer’s block. It was the root of it.

So how can you tell if perfectionism is what’s holding you back from creating your best work?

Here are a few questions to help you gain insight, and some advice for how to move forward.

1. What are my expectations?

What are your expectations about your career and writing ability, and are they reasonable?

When I first started writing, I knew I had a natural talent, and I also knew the kind of writing I thought was brilliant. But when I started clacking away at the keyboard, I became discouraged when my writing wasn’t measuring up to my own taste level. Are you comparing yourself to writers who have been working for 20-plus years, even though you’re just getting started?

Criticism of my writing also hit me hard. When my guest post was rejected or never responded to, I immediately doubted my ability to ever be successful. Are you expecting to never fail or experience setbacks?

Your favorite authors and bloggers didn’t become successful overnight — they’ve paid their dues through countless setbacks and thousands of “imperfect” paragraphs. The insights they’ve gained from their failures helped shape them into the amazing writers we admire. Failures aren’t roadblocks, they are part of the path we walk to improving our craft, and understanding this can help you move forward bravely.

2. Am I holding back?

How does it feel when you sit down and start to write? Do you allow your thoughts to flow naturally, and then go back and edit them, or are you trying to write perfectly on the first run?

When you plan to submit your work for publication, it’s easy to type as if your audience is already reading it—and scrutinizing every word. I still catch myself doing this, and my work ends up sounding contrived and lacking authenticity.

Write your first draft like no one will ever see it—just get your ideas on the page and don’t worry about “writing well.” After you’ve expressed your ideas, you can edit and mold it with your audience in mind.

Also, make “free-writing” a habit. Free-writing, or writing your thoughts freely without the pressure of “creating” anything, can be a helpful tool to kick-start your creativity when you’re feeling stuck.

3. How am I treating myself?

What would you say to a dear friend who was struggling to write a novel and asked for encouragement?

Would you say, “Well, if you’re struggling this much, it probably means you’re not a very good writer. You should probably give up before you embarrass yourself.”

Of course you wouldn’t say that to someone you love — but do you catch yourself saying lines like this to yourself?

This is the hallmark of my perfectionism: I am accepting of other’s faults, but ruthlessly judgmental when it comes to my own. How can you be creative in this negative mental environment?

Self-abuse is a tough habit to break, but if you can catch yourself in the act of cruel and judgmental self-talk, you can stop the negative feedback loop. Rephrase your self-talk to be more accepting and compassionate. Even if you struggle with genuine self-love, just saying the kind words will help get you in a better frame of mind.

Accepting perfectionism as part of you

Perfectionism isn’t something that will go away — you’ll most likely be struggling with it for the rest of your life. But if you can recognize the ways it interferes with your creativity and productivity, it doesn’t have to stall your career.

Submitting your cherished work to the public is terrifying, but it’s important to remember that your purpose as a writer is to inspire others.

When you accept the natural imperfection of your work, you create the perfect opportunity to learn and grow–and to serve the world the best way you know how.

Can you relate? In what ways does perfectionism hold you back? Share in the comments below.